How to Be a Connector
by Janette M. Braverman
Being a connector is not about establishing superficial relationships that are not reciprocal. Connecting is about building trusted relationships through learning more about those with whom you hope to connect. Since some are currently separated from family, friends, students, employees, or colleagues during the COVID-19 shutdown, it is essential to stay connected.
It's also a great time to establish new connections by checking in on those you'd like to meet or get to know better. As the Executive Director of External Partnerships for Cardinal Stritch University, my role is to establish partnerships with corporate entities. Therefore, I understand the importance of building trusted relationships - internally and externally. Five steps for developing healthy relationships within the work environment include (DuPree, 1989): 1. respect people and believe in the diversity of what individuals contribute; 2. understand that what we believe precedes policy and practice; 3. agree on the rights of work; 4. understand the respective role and relationship of contractual agreements and covenants, and 5. understand that relationships count more than structure.
Dupree also states, "…When virtual supervisors acknowledge that the most essential role they have is to create a positive work relationship with their supervisees, they will be well on the way to creating an environment in which employees can successfully carry out their job responsibilities." Learning to connect with others is essential for any role. Managers must learn to connect with their employees, parents with children, and teachers with students. The list could go on.
However, being a connector isn't an innate gift that only exceptional people get to have, but it does take having an open mind. Being open to communicating with others regardless of gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or religion is critical. To learn more, read my Forbes article entitled "6 Ways to Engage Introverts at Work," where I explain several ways to connect with those that find it challenging to interact or communicate with others.
However, I will share a bit of my background. I grew up in a predominantly Hispanic community in El Paso, Texas. Since most of the kids could not speak English, I had to learn how to connect with them. My first friend in preschool was a young Hispanic girl. Although she didn't speak English, we both understood how to play together — and clean up afterward. We established our own form of sign language and found ways to communicate with each other.
I learned about her culture, and she learned mine. I'd eat dinner with her family, as she would with mine. However, if I was going to establish more relationships across my community, I had to learn Spanish. So I took several Spanish classes from elementary school through college.
In reflecting on my childhood, learning a second language truly helped build my network. But, four things stood out that I've shared below that can be applied by all leaders with employees or stakeholders. It is not an exhaustive list, and note the connections I have today did not happen overnight. However, building relationships is essential to the success of every leader. Organizations should ensure training is available for them to better connect - virtually, and in the office.
Learn to Speak the Same Language
Strike a genuine conversation with someone that doesn't look like you. If establishing the relationship is essential, find ways to communicate with them. Regarding my childhood friend, learning to speak her language built our trust. She appreciated that I valued our friendship enough to learn a second language, so she did the same. I'm not saying that you have to learn a new language every time you meet someone, but try to understand their communication style. As noted by linguistics expert, Deborah Tannen, we all have unique communication styles, influenced by many factors such as age, culture, and geography. Thankfully, learning from interactions with others across my network has opened the door for even more connections.
Share Cultural Experiences - Break Bread Together
You can learn a lot about people when you break bread together. Food is an excellent vehicle for sharing culture with people from different backgrounds. When breaking bread, observe their way of life, traditions, understand their faith, or religion. Learn what they value most. Dupree's first step encourages us to "respect people and believe in the diversity of what individuals contribute." Coming together and sharing a meal is the most common and binding thing in almost every place in the world. Breaking bread together helps you learn more about an individual's culture.
Connectors Connect Others
If your new connection is open to it, learn a bit about their friends and family. Spending time at my childhood friend's home allowed me to connect with her family. I found that our siblings were around the same age, so we made introductions, and they, in turn, became friends. Thereafter, many of my brothers and sisters took up Spanish. Hence, they too benefited from the connection. As a leader, I often connect those I mentor to new connections that will help them get to the next level. Or, connect like-minded individuals that I believe will sharpen each other.
Build bonds through Shared Activities
Identify common interests with new connections or even be willing to branch out and try new things. As Dupree states in step five, "…understand that relationships count more than structure." Sometimes you have to be willing to change your daily structure to connect with others, like learning a new activity or fun sport (e.g., golf, softball, weightlifting). There are also virtual activities (e.g., virtual breakfast, lunch, or happy hour). These activities grow your relationship and help you learn a lot about a person, including building a strong bond. Just ensure that whatever you choose to do is done consistently. Likeminded individuals tend to connect more naturally than those that are not.
I'm looking forward to hearing about other ways you've established long-lasting, reciprocal connections with others.
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